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January 16, 2012

A Good Kind of Tired

I remember being pregnant with Jacob, waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and knowing that in a few hours I’d wake up from a totally bizarre dream, with no choice but to prepare for the day. I wondered how in the world mothers did this when they had another child—or children—to care for.

Now I have a toddler, I’m pregnant with a second child, waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and in the morning from wonky dreams that make me question my hold on reality. Still I’m wondering how moms manage, even as I’m now one of their number.

The answer was trademarked by Nike years ago: you just do it.

I’ve been taking it easy as best I can, but there were things I’d committed to doing before I was pregnant that I needed to follow through with. Work projects, holiday preparations, and so on. After those things were finished, though, even taking care of Jacob was tough some days. A simple walk around the park does both of us a world of good, but mustering the energy to get out can be a bear.

Last week, John was away for business. As much as I missed him, I was looking forward to having evenings to watch things I like (The Biggest Loser, duh), read some, and write some. I nobly planned to be in bed by 9:30 and asleep by 10, to make sure I had energy to care for my pregnant self and Jacob.

Want to guess how many times that happened? None. Not once.

I have a bad track record for getting to bed “on time.” Growing up, I made my bedtime maybe twice (sorry, Mom). Part of it is that I like to get things done in the evenings. I like the quiet. As a mom, I like that the baby’s asleep, all the cooking is done, and the cleaning—if there’s any left—is manageable. I like that I have time to make sure our home is tidy and my lists of to-dos are ready to make the next morning’s wake up comfortable.

This past week, I was trying to make more of an effort to get to bed at a reasonable hour because No. 2 was exhausting me. I was trying, every day, to just do it, but there’s a whole lot of baby development in the first trimester, and I was feeling every bit of it. During the day, I counted down the minutes until Jacob’s nap, so that I could take one too. Unfortunately, that meant that I wasn’t getting my work or cleaning for the day done, leaving it all until nighttime and staying up too late. After two and a half months of feeling tired and behind, I was gearing up to actually fix this vicious cycle.

As the week went on, I started to realize the tired I was feeling wasn’t just pregnancy-related. I was feeling a good kind of tired. The kind of tired where you’re sleepy because you were productive. You had good food, you played with your kid, you advanced your business, you exercised. Maybe you forgot to make time for enough prayer, but we’re getting there.

For the first time since November, I woke up Friday morning and didn’t feel sick. It was a good kind of tired that was creeping up on me that week. A second trimester kind of tired. Alleluia!

  1. Ah! That’s awesome! I never experienced that with Zoe’s pregnancy and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told Brad “I hope I get the second trimester experience”…. so glad you woke up not feeling sick!

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